The Plan, the battle begins.
I'm so random at these postings,so scattered in my thoughts, sometimes not feeling like writing at all. But I think someday I will want to read this, to look back at the journey and remember every detail. Maybe not, if I think back to the first time Mom had cancer, I'd like to forget most of it, except the memories of late night Nintendo playing, random trips to the store for food she was craving, the games she would make for me while I was at school, those things make me smile. It's hard this time, Mom is so far away, 3 hours on a good day. It's a real bummer because I can't just go see here and hang out whenever I want. We can't play Nintendo all night, or go get frozen yogurt for dinner. I have to wonder how is she really doing? Is she ok, is she putting up a front, trying to be strong, when in reality she's sitting there scared to death with nobody to talk to? I hope not, but if I could be there and talk to her, I would feel better. Just to make sure she realizes she doesn't always have to be strong, to know it's OK to break down, to break dishes, scream, whatever it takes to get through the moment.
I suppose I should go back a little to get caught up on current status and what the doctor says. So the results from the scan showed NSCLC, adenocarcinoma in mom's left lung. It's metastasized to her bones. It doesn't look like it is has metastasized anywhere else currently. He believes she has had this cancer for 6 years, which is ridiculous to me. How is that possible? She gets scanned every 6 months because of her previous fight with cancer. I feel like someone fucked up, and personally I'd like to know who! Somebody's mistake is costing my mom her life!!!! So upset about that, but I don't know if it's worth the energy at this point. So it's considered a stage iv lung cancer, incurable, inoperable. Not such a good prognosis, if I were to go off of statistics, a year would be a blessing. I'm not going to go purely off of statistics, I think my mom is stronger than that! The doctor actually is hopeful that she will respond to the chemo plan he is going to put her on, and said maybe 2 to 3 years. Amazing how happy you can be when a doctor says your mom might have 2 to 3 years left! Very ironic,, but we'll take that over 1 year any day! Of course I know in the back of my mind thee is a chance that the cancer wont respond to the treatment, but I also know that the new target drugs might be able to help at that point. I have hope, and I will hold on to it and try to give it to mom as well. She will finish the radiation on her arm, then start chemo. Today she has a chemo class at 3 to discuss her first treatment. She had a port put in on Tuesday, and apparently it went fine.
The arm is a whole new story, I'll have to post about that in the next blog. It's time to go home, work is getting a little easier to focus on. Work still seems to go slow, but I'm actually getting things done. Life is taking on a more normal pace in the face of cancer. It's amazing how you just want the world to stop for you, but it trudges on and drags you with it.
I suppose I should go back a little to get caught up on current status and what the doctor says. So the results from the scan showed NSCLC, adenocarcinoma in mom's left lung. It's metastasized to her bones. It doesn't look like it is has metastasized anywhere else currently. He believes she has had this cancer for 6 years, which is ridiculous to me. How is that possible? She gets scanned every 6 months because of her previous fight with cancer. I feel like someone fucked up, and personally I'd like to know who! Somebody's mistake is costing my mom her life!!!! So upset about that, but I don't know if it's worth the energy at this point. So it's considered a stage iv lung cancer, incurable, inoperable. Not such a good prognosis, if I were to go off of statistics, a year would be a blessing. I'm not going to go purely off of statistics, I think my mom is stronger than that! The doctor actually is hopeful that she will respond to the chemo plan he is going to put her on, and said maybe 2 to 3 years. Amazing how happy you can be when a doctor says your mom might have 2 to 3 years left! Very ironic,, but we'll take that over 1 year any day! Of course I know in the back of my mind thee is a chance that the cancer wont respond to the treatment, but I also know that the new target drugs might be able to help at that point. I have hope, and I will hold on to it and try to give it to mom as well. She will finish the radiation on her arm, then start chemo. Today she has a chemo class at 3 to discuss her first treatment. She had a port put in on Tuesday, and apparently it went fine.
The arm is a whole new story, I'll have to post about that in the next blog. It's time to go home, work is getting a little easier to focus on. Work still seems to go slow, but I'm actually getting things done. Life is taking on a more normal pace in the face of cancer. It's amazing how you just want the world to stop for you, but it trudges on and drags you with it.
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