Test run

I've never considered myself a blogger, yet lately I find the need to just write. This seems to be a good outlet for now.

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A Poem I wrote when my mom was beginning this journey: Not Without A Fight August 23, 2009 at 9:42pm I hate you today. More than I did yesterday, And more than I did years ago. But not as much as I will tomorrow. I know you, Your coldness, your lack of emotion, Your demands, your ability to go unseen, Undetected until often it’s too late. The taker of life and love, no I wouldn’t call it fate. You have so many names, So many disguises that you wear. But once you’ve settled in, life is never the same. It becomes a struggle, a fight, a war zone, And the body is the battle field you’ve come to claim. There will be many sleepless nights, Needles in the veins, Sweats in the middle of the night, Bodies curled up in pain. Tears from many eyes, But they will try to be strong, and they will try to fight. Some will defeat you in an agonizing fight. They will look death in the face and laugh, For they’ve gone on to live a new life. But some will lose the battle, And they’ll slip
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Fly freely, chase wild dreams, make memories.

Lifes journey is never straight forward and often there is tragedy amongst the beauty we get to experience. In a strange twist of fate, i stumbled back onto this blog while researching other blogs because my sister has recently been diagnosed with cancer, CLL/SLL, which is basically leukemia nd non hodgkins lymphoma in the lymph glands. In the process of reading other blogs, I find myself annoyed at the number of blogs left unfinished, a life story left unwritten. but i also understand that the final pages are often dark and difficult. So perhaps its only fitting that I come back to write about the last days of mom's life, the finishing lines to her story. Its a hard time when the person you've been fighting for so hard takes a drastic turn for the worst. I actually cant fathom reliving those last few months in detail so this is the short version. Once the cancer had spread to the brain Mom was getting severe migraines more frequently, and we were at the ER more frequently. I
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The Plan, the battle begins.

I'm so random at these postings,so scattered in my thoughts, sometimes not feeling like writing at all. But I think someday I will want to read this, to look back at the journey and remember every detail. Maybe not, if I think back to the first time Mom had cancer, I'd like to forget most of it, except the memories of late night Nintendo playing, random trips to the store for food she was craving, the games she would make for me while I was at school, those things make me smile. It's hard this time, Mom is so far away, 3 hours on a good day. It's a real bummer because I can't just go see here and hang out whenever I want. We can't play Nintendo all night, or go get frozen yogurt for dinner. I have to wonder how is she really doing? Is she ok, is she putting up a front, trying to be strong, when in reality she's sitting there scared to death with nobody to talk to? I hope not, but if I could be there and talk to her, I would feel better. Just to make sure she
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